As I sit in my house, I
try to think of the many mistakes I made last year, and how different things
might have been had I chosen differently. Hmmmm…did I really have to meet all
the people I met last year? Did I really have to hang out the way I did last
year? Did I have to get so mad? Did I love truly and honestly? Was I a good
friend? Was I an awesome sister? Maybe yes, maybe No… I say maybe because am
not certain of my own experience. I know it’s silly to think of the past, but I
can’t help it…I used to think I know myself, but I guess I was wrong… I say
this because looking back, I chose wrong, did wrong, thought wrong, and hanged
out wrong, loved wrong, and acted wrong. So my resolution this year is to find
me, love right (mostly love me), act wisely, think smartly and rationally, and
work harder. In simple terms, I want to FIND MYSELF.
This might sound silly, too thought out, sad, or even
wise to some of you, but are we truly ourselves at all time, do we always speak
up when we hear something wrong, do we walk away from situations that are
mediocre, do we always act as we should? Again,
maybe yes, maybe no. Some may wonder why am doing this, but I realized
am growing up and the choices I make will ALWAYS have consequences (I know.. I
know…tell me something I don’t know ha ha ha). I want to be o.k with making new
mistakes, but not o.k with repeating old ones. I want to be o.k with spending
my money wisely, but not o.k with spending it on the wrong things. I want to be
o.k with saying NO to people, even though I might hurt them, but not o.k with
saying yes when I am not certain. I want
to be o.k with forming new, wise, and supportive relationships. I want to be a
supportive sister, aunt, daughter, and granddaughter. I want to spend more time
with my mother, she’s insanely wise. I want…Well, I want it all.
In order to achieve this, I made new resolutions.
Although I won’t tell you most of them, I’ll tell you this, the best one I made
was including Jabez’s prayer into my daily life. He prayed and said, “Oh God
that you will bless me and enlarge my borders, and that your hand may be with
me, and that you will keep me from harm so that it may not bring me pain!”
I love this prayer. It’s a simple sentence broken down
into four parts, it makes sense to me, and it inspires me to think about my
actions, my thoughts about people, and my reactions towards everything in my
life. It inspires me to act rationally at all times, to make choices wisely, to
understand people’s actions, to accept life’s events as they are, to move on to
new things when old one’s are no longer building me, to form new friendships,
to listen to my inner self more, to… to be me. You might notice a few changes
in me this year; I may appear a little quiet sometimes, I may no longer hang
out with you, I may appear a little too happy, a little too content with my
actions, and sometimes my actions may surprise you. In any case am happy I made
this decision, and am happy I told you this. Maybe it’ll help you think about
your life, your actions, your company, your reactions to certain situations,
and yourself.
